I’m always writing, even when I haven’t a pen in hand or a keyboard in front of me. I forgot who said it, maybe Mark Twain, Thomas Jefferson…somebody…said something like, “My wife doesn’t understand that even when I’m staring out the window, I’m working…”
My wife thinks this is all bullshit, of course. Who wouldn’t?
So I was writing when I went to my local Starbucks, recently. The barista on duty was a 40something with a British accent. She said to me, “I’m leaving to go back to California tomorrow. Will you miss me?”
I thought about it for a second, tired of the same old responses to the same tired questions, and I told her the truth: “No,” I said “I don’t think I will miss you.”
She told me that I made her feel terrible, that it ruined her day, but what was I supposed to say to her? She asked me a direct question, and I can hide a lot of shame about myself, but one thing that is difficult, almost impossible for me to hide, is how I genuinely feel about you.
If life weren’t such an endless assembly line of misinformation and inauthentic reaction, I would have stood there for a minute and explained that I don’t have enough emotion to miss everybody. I’d miss my sons, my wife, my brothers, my closest friends (and I’m being too literal and and asshole, I know. This is what you deal with if you know me…and if you take the time to understand me, I will be loyal to you for the rest of my life…), but I’m not going to miss you.
4 Comments
sounds like she was flirting.
and, i too, am always writing. that’s why i can’t fall asleep at night. i do most of my writing when i’m lying in bed with the lights turned off and my eyes closed.
i compose entries in my head. yep.
best time is when i’m making the
two hour drive to LA.
haha on the waitress asking that
question and you saying no.
ouch!!
But surely you miss me. Realize, we had to leave because there is only one local Starbucks there. It was killing us.
i wonder did i ever ask if you miss me?
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