Absolute Gentleman

I teach at a prep school, so when vacations come, they come in a nice row of days off. So I got up early today, took the kids to daycare, got a coffee at Starbucks (had to wait for the coffee…had to wait for coffee…at STARBUCKS), came home, took the garbage out, let the dog in, read an encouraging email from my wife, who doesn’t teach at a prep school so she’s working today…and tomorrow, went up to my office with the laptop that is always flickering its internet connection — because it runs Windows Vista — and played solitaire for a half an hour.

I remembered that I hadn’t taken my eye drops this morning, so I came back downstairs. I have eye drops due to cataract surgery at age 37. For those who secretly read this blog, know me, and talk to me about my health: stop fucking saying, in some variation, “…you’re young to have cataracts, aren’t you?”

I have to wait five minutes between drops so one doesn’t dilute the other. So I looked through the mail on the table, saw that I haven’t paid my Tin House bill yet. Contemplated calling them this morning to renew.

My students are convinced I have ADHD.

Looked at the brochure and registration form for the AWP conference. I actually thought $239 a night for a room was a good deal. I have a nice little few days off around that time, so I was thinking of taking the train down to the City. Yeah, I was thinking of leaving my three children with my wife, so she can be completely miserable for a couple of days. We can’t go anywhere anymore.

Not that we ever went anywhere when we were alone, together. We lived in a graduate community at UNC Chapel Hill, and I think we walked downtown, maybe, ten times. I remember Caribou Coffee, the place with the hot wings, that parking lot — I remember walking around the block a couple of times with her.

I remember being in my bedroom (we had separate bedrooms for a couple of days.) and pounding away at a story I entered in a local contest. I worked on it for days, showed my wife the drafts. The story was terrible, but those are the days I miss. I was completely oblivious to what I was doing wrong, but I was having so much fucking fun doing it.

I put the other drop in my eye. This one stings a little. I went for a follow-up for the surgery. I had missed the first one, then inexplicably stopped the drops. Went to the doctor a few days ago and he tore me a new one. Here it is — the new one. I’m holding it up to the screen, but you can’t see it. The new one says, “You could develop severe eye pressure off the drops, moron, and you could go blind…jackass.”

I awoke to Reading Rainbow this morning. That song goes right through me, “I….can go anywheeeeere…” The show was about a family who are dealing with the patriarch serving jail time in Sing Sing for attempted murder. “I…..can do…..10 to 15 for aggravated assauuuuuuuult.”

Drops done and it’s just you and me. I have the novel broken into pieces on a yellow sheet of paper, folded and stuffed into the pocket of my Moleskine. It’s go time.